omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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