he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
