he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
