Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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