We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Even my vagina gasped.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
