Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
