So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pants are for mortals
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
