I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
