u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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