I'm jealous of your bromance
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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