The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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