the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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