3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
