so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
