Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
