I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
