Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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