i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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