i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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