yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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