She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
