Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
