I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
