Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Welp...herpes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
