you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
