Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
