No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
