I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
