I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
