She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
