I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
