Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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