Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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