my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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