so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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