Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
