Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i think i just lost a toe
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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