I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
