this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
