i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
