I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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