i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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