Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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