singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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