tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
