Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
