I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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