u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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