What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
