I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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