why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
