Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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