you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
