they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
