I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
