i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
