remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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