I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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