I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
