we have pet lesbian snakes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Randomize
