dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
