like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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