I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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