Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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