I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
