i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
