The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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