5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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