that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
