my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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