I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
